Olivia’s Blog

Life As a Navy Mom Gets Easier…Sort Of

Posted on by Olivia Bower

My book cover is ordered and I’m down to a couple of weeks before Navy Moms: Navigating Boot Camp With Your Sailor is released.

I’m down to the wire now and, I’ll be honest, it’s a little nerve-wracking.

Then again, so was writing the book.

Authoring Navigating Boot Camp With Your Sailor is the biggest labor of love I’ve undertaken since, well, labor. Writing about boot camp dredges up all the sadness and anxiety I felt from the moment he took his oath, all the way through boot camp, right up to his graduation (or PIR, in Navy parlance).

I wrote this book to help other Navy moms deal with the roller coaster of emotions, stress, and exhilaration when a child ships off to boot camp.

I remember feeling overwhelmed with questions and not knowing where to turn or who to ask. Since Aaron’s father and I are divorced, I also felt very alone in my anxiety and had very few people to talk with about my experience.

To power through those interminable first eight weeks, I kept telling myself that things would get easier if I was just a little more patient. I told myself that by the time Aaron graduated, I’d be an old hand at this Navy mom business and stop being so worried all the time.

Now that boot camp is behind me, I can honestly say it does get easier.

I mean, we never stop worrying about our kids but they don’t have to be in the Navy for us to be concerned about their well-being.

But the cascade of anxiety so many Navy moms feel does eventually recede. I encourage you to not fight it. Instead sit with your feelings and learn how to manage the stress.

(My number one tip for coping with having a Sailor Recruit at boot camp is to surround yourself with a support system, particularly other Navy moms, even if it means spending extra time in Navy-related Facebook groups.)

It’s important to learn how to manage your feelings because they’ll probably crop up again when your Sailor leaves for post-PIR school and eventually deployment.

The good news is, the coping mechanisms you learn during boot camp will serve you well throughout your child’s Navy career.

Then you can focus on continuing to be supportive and standing strong for your Sailor.

That’s where you’ll find the joy of being a Navy mom.

 

Coping With World Events When You’re a Navy Mom

Posted on by Lisa McGreevy

Like every other mom with a child in the Navy, I had to catch my breath when the Syrian air strikes were announced last night.

Oh, who am I kidding? I bawled my eyes out for 10 minutes.

When Aaron first enlisted, I got around my fear of him facing combat by telling myself not to borrow trouble. I can’t predict the future so there’s no sense in worrying about things that haven’t happened yet  – especially things that are out of my control.

That approach has served me well so far, but it fizzled last night as worry came crashing down around me.

Two things helped me get through it.

First, I reminded myself that our Sailors and Marines are highly skilled professionals who are well prepared physically and mentally for these scenarios. This is what they are trained to do. We must trust them and let them work.

Second, I spent a little time last night chatting online with other Navy moms, some with service members in the same unit as Aaron. It felt good to know I wasn’t alone in my fear and that I wasn’t overreacting.

The strikes were probably over by the time the news hit the U.S. airwaves, but my anxiety lasted far longer. I had a lot of trouble sleeping and nightmares when I did nod off.

I’m tired today but relieved that the situation seems to be stable at the moment.

This was the first time I’ve had to deal with military action since Aaron enlisted, but I suspect it won’t be the last. I just have to remind myself that this is his job and he takes it very, very seriously.

It’s my job to support Aaron, something I take very, very seriously. But, geez, being a Navy mom is really hard sometimes.

If you’re a seasoned Navy mom, you know this torrent of feelings well.

If you’re new at all this, remember you are not alone. Other Navy moms are your sisters-in-arms. Lean on each other and we’ll get through it together.

 

 

 

When a Sailor Calls

Posted on by Olivia Bower

I think most Navy moms would agree that the day your Sailor comes home on leave is one of the best days in the world. What’s the second best?

A phone call from your Sailor.

My son is currently deployed and I didn’t expect to hear from him until he returned so I almost missed the call!

You’d think that when Caller ID displayed “Unknown” on my phone screen I would have snatched it up immediately, but I was distracted by my writing and shrugged it off as a telemarketer.

Within minutes I got another call from an unknown number and my brain suddenly kicked in. When I answered and heard Aaron’s voice I nearly passed out!

We had a wonderful 20 minute talk that flew by much too quickly. When we finally had to hang up, I was surprised I didn’t burst into tears. I was just so happy to hear his voice that I practically glided around the house for the next several hours.

I have no idea when I’ll hear from Aaron next. It could be days, weeks, or months. Those 20 minutes will have to hold me until the next time I get a call from an unknown number.

You’d better believe I’ll grab that phone before the end of the first ring.

When You’re Missing Your Sailor

Posted on by Olivia Bower
heart missing puzzle piece

Whether they’ve just left for basic training or have been deployed for three months overseas, we never stop missing our Sailors. It goes with the territory of being a Navy mom.

Mothers with Sailor Recruits at Great Lakes sometimes have a tougher time than moms with a Sailor at “A” School simply because of the almost complete communication blackout, especially those first couple of weeks. Once our kids leave boot camp, we know we’ll at least be able to talk, text, Skype, or Face Time with some regularity but that still doesn’t make our time apart any easier

As we come up on the holiday season, I see a lot of Navy moms in my Facebook groups talk about how they’re missing their Sailors more than ever. For some, this will be their first holiday apart, while others haven’t spent one together since their daughter or son enlisted. No matter how you slice it, being apart from our children is really difficult.

What can you do when missing your Sailor seems like it’s just too much too bear? Here are a few ideas:

Write letters

Even though it may seem like you’re talking to yourself, letters can go a long way toward making you feel closer to your Sailor. I don’t recommend that you spend a lot of time telling them how sad you are or that you can’t stop crying because they’re not home. That’s a lot of burden to put on our Sailor and they’re powerless to change the circumstances. Instead, share some fun stories about when they were young or just chat about what’s happening around town. Chances are, you’ll feel a lot better by the time you sign off and your son or daughter will love getting mail from you.

Build a care package

Sometimes a little retail therapy can help get your mind off things, especially when you know how delighted your Sailor will be to get a box of goodies. There’s no need to break the bank putting together a care package, though. Make a cake in a jar, a batch of brownies, or assemble a small scrapbook with random pictures you have lying around the house.

I once sent Aaron a box filled with frosted sugar cookies. Before wrapping them, I used food decorator markers to write a single letter on each cookie. When Aaron unwrapped and rearranged the cookies, they spelled out a special message for him.

Decorate your house

Lots of Navy moms light a special blue candle and recite a poem or prayer.  Others tie a ribbon a tree outside their home, put flags around the house, or set out extra pictures of their Sailor (go ahead and talk to the picture if it helps!).

Volunteer

One way to stave off the sadness of missing your Sailor is to channel that energy into supporting other Sailors. Join a letter writing campaign, help assemble group care packages, or adopt a Sailor. I plan to volunteer with my local USO chapter but I’m not sure I’m at the point yet where I won’t dissolve into tears the minute a Sailor walks into one of the events. 🙂

Turn to your Sea Sisters

Don’t hesitate to reach out to other Navy moms for support when you need it. We’ve all been there and we’re all at various stages of the journey ourselves. Sometimes it just helps to know you aren’t alone and that your feelings are understandable and normal.

What’s your go to strategy when you’re missing your Sailor?

Sneak Preview of The New Navy Mom’s Basic Training Survival Guide

Posted on by Olivia Bower
woman looking through binoculars

If you’re excited about the upcoming release of The New Navy Mom’s Basic Training Survival Guide then take a look at this sneak peek I have for you. It’s a page right from the book explaining why I decided to write it and includes a hint about another book in the series.

If you like what you see, join my Navy Moms mailing list to get an exclusive excerpt delivered right to your inbox.

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I wrote this book about becoming a new Navy mom for two reasons. When my son Aaron left for basic training, I had a million questions and no one to ask. The internet is a wonderful resource but, let’s face it, it’s also a fairly bottomless source of information. Unfortunately, some of what’s out there about boot camp at Great Lakes Naval Training Center is incomplete, outdated, or simply incorrect.

I wanted a book or single resource that would walk me through the experience of being a new Navy mom so I didn’t have to spend hours digging around websites, message boards, and forums to find the answers I wanted. That, my friends, is how the idea for this book was born.

The other reason I wrote this book is a bit more personal. Aaron’s father and I divorced when he was very young. Aaron was living with his father just prior to enlisting in the Navy, so naturally he was the point of contact when Aaron shipped out. Unfortunately, that meant I wasn’t able to experience the joy of getting the Kid in a Box, form letter, or “I’ve arrived at Great Lakes” phone call. (Not sure what those things are? Don’t worry, it’s all covered in the book.)

Until Aaron’s division got letter writing privileges and he was able to communicate with me himself, I was peretty much in the dark about how things were going for him at boot camp. Wow, was that hard. Divorced mothers face challenges when their daughter or son joins the Navy that partnered parents may not encounter. While this book touches on these issues, an upcoming book in this series takes a closer look at what they are and how to deal with them.

When our sons and daughters decide to join the Navy, we’re on a roller coster ride of emotions that make their first day of kindergarten look like a walk in the park. The good news is that you’ll get through it. You’ll also learn more about yourself and your Sailor than you ever expected. You’ve got this, momma!

 

Join my Navy moms mailing list for a new exclusive excerpt delivered right to your inbox! I pinky swear I will never sell your address or spam you.

Navy Day and Big Cakes

Posted on by Olivia Bower
Sailors holding flag

When I woke up this morning, I didn’t realize it was Navy Day but Facebook and Twitter let me know right away (hooray for social media!). I read up on it and discovered lots of countries celebrate Navy Day at different times of the year. Our first U.S. Navy Day was in 1922 and the date, October 27th, was chosen because it’s President Theodore Roosevelt’s birthday. It turns our our man Teddy loved the Navy.

Here ends the history lesson.

When we celebrated the Navy’s birthday on October 13th, I didn’t know we’d get an event two-fer this month but I’ll take it! I love seeing my social media timelines filled with flags, ships, Sailors, and good wishes. Days like today make me miss Aaron even more but it’s great to see our Armed Forces celebrated and applauded.

On the Navy’s birthday I joked with Aaron that I wondered if bases would throw parties and play Pin the Periscope On the Submarine. I wonder what they’re doing on ships and at bases today? Whatever it is, I hope it involves a lot of cake.

Image courtesy of DVIDSHUB.